Foreigners & Immigrants Therapy 101: Accent and Language
You wear your accent on your sleeve as an “identity tag.” No matter how much you’ve tried to blend in, to pass as an American, if you weren’t successful in eradicating your foreign accent (like most of us), your identity as a foreigner stands out, and you might be treated differently. Legal experts have raised concerns about this and coined the term “accent discrimination” (“…unjustified discrimination against employees who speak English with an accent”). My personal experience, thankfully, has never been that extreme; however, I do have uncomfortable memories from my early years in the U.S., when my English was still clunky, and my accent was thicker. For instance, I remember going to a department store to buy some clothing and trying to tell the salesperson what I was looking for. That same salesperson who just finished talking normally to another customer, responded to me with an overly loud voice and very slow speech (as if I were hard of hearing and slow to understand). Likely, they detected that I was a foreigner, and tried to address that; however, those accommodations were not what I needed, and I just felt singled out and shamed. Even now, almost 30 years later, when my English is not so bad, and my accent is much softer, I cannot hide the fact that I am a foreigner. It is not that I feel that I need to hide it per se; it is more like not wanting to be flagged with it right away before introducing other identities of mine.
The language markers that set us apart from native-American English speakers include our vocabulary, our grammar, our accent, and our prosody or intonation. Prosody is a pattern of stress on specific words in the sentence, which aids in conveying meaning. It often happens that I articulate a “perfect English sentence” (as far as words and grammar), however my prosody is a bit off, likely resembling what the sentence would sound like if I were to say its equivalent in my native language. When this happens, it throws the American listener off so much that they cannot understand my “perfect sentence.” In my experience, foreigners’ ears, can tolerate “broken English” or adulterated intonation better, presumably because the representations of English in their brains are not as rigid as those in the brains of native-English speakers.
Language proficiency is critical for expressing who we are, how we feel, or what we think. Foreign clients sometimes struggle in therapy in the U.S. when needing to explore their inner thoughts in a language with which they do not feel comfortable. International students are more likely to hold back in classroom conversations for fear that they would not be able to express their thoughts coherently. Lovers sometimes choose to utter loving words in their mother tongue even though the recipient of those words is not proficient in that language. I, myself, occasionally wonder whether I am showing up differently in English than in my native language merely due to the use of a foreign language. I remember an idea that I had in graduate school for a research project: Have bilingual people take a personality test twice, once in each of their respective languages, and assessing whether this would yield different personality profiles when comparing the results for the two languages.
In retrospect, I do believe that for several years after arriving in the U.S., I was “different” when socializing in English versus my native language. This is at least in part because I did not fully understand every little bit of the English spoken to me and felt somewhat deficient as a consequence of that, which in turn affected my level of comfort in social situations. It was also because I hated the idea that I would make mistakes when speaking, and therefore shied away from speaking altogether. I became more introverted in the U.S. relative to myself in my home country. With time, I came up with my personal solution to this newly acquired social shyness, including introjecting very short funny comments into the conversation. These did not require complex grammatical structures or high-level vocabulary. My American companions in turn could see how funny and witty I was, or so I hoped. It was only with additional time that I developed the ability, and more importantly the courage, to speak up and express myself, even without the humor. And believe it or not, nowadays I even write a blog in English… 😊
How do you overcome the difficulties associated with having a thick accent or English that is not as good as you’d like?
Amy Chua, the author of The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother said: “Do you know what a foreign accent is? It's a sign of bravery.” I applaud that sentence. Overcoming the difficulty in talking to others as a foreigner requires self-compassion, self-acceptance, and courage. The fact of the matter is that you do have an accent, they can tell that you are a foreigner, and your English might not be perfect. Work on accepting that rather than hiding it (you can always work on improving your English down the line as well). Remember all the value you can add to a conversation. Remember your past, your heritage, your background, and the knowledge that make you unique. Remember your added value. Hug yourself for the courage to speak up, and do it. The more you speak up, the more comfortable you would become speaking up. The less nervous you’d be, the clearer your accent would become (I always notice that when I am anxious about my accent, it immediately becomes thicker). And repeat yourself in a different way if they don’t understand what you’ve just said. Remember, getting to know you is worthwhile! Give them a chance to do that!
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If you want to talk with a therapist who is an immigrant (of many years), please reach out to me for a 15-min phone consultation. I will ask you about your treatment goals and share with you whether I can help. If I cannot help, I will redirect you to other resources. Press here or call me at 858-330-0065 to schedule your free phone consultation.