Therapy San Diego 101: How to deal with procrastination

Procrastination.. that nagging feeling that I should be doing “work” right now, but I can’t bring myself to do it… and even though I’m “hanging out” and should enjoy not working, I can’t enjoy it… because I think I SHOULD be working right now… and the self-loathing feeling that comes along with that. 

Let’s talk about procrastination, why it happens and what to do about it

It might not feel like you are “choosing” to procrastinate, however, I suggest that procrastination is the outcome of an IMPLICIT process of choice. What do I mean by implicit process of choice? It is not sitting and deliberately thinking about whether I want to do X and, if so, when I want to do it; rather, it is some unconscious (or only partially conscious) brain / mental calculation that results in us engaging in one action or not engaging in it.  

Let me be more specific. When we are faced with the option of doing something, our brain quickly runs a “cost-benefit analysis” of sorts, calculating whether engaging in that behavior (or task) is likely to result in “reward” or in “punishment” for us.  For instance, imagine the behavior in question is working on a homework assignment. As we approach it, our brain evaluates whether doing that homework would be “rewarding” (e.g., homework will get done and the teacher will be happy) or would cause us “pain” (e.g., I hate to do homework, I feel inept when doing homework). When the anticipated pain is greater than the anticipated reward, we are likely to put the task off, i.e., we procrastinate. This mostly takes place “behind the scenes” and is rarely a conscious process.

The reward in engaging in a task and completing it

Engaging in a task and completing it are often associated with a sense of relief as we knock an item off our to-do-list. It also may give us a sense of accomplishment and/or elicit recognition of our work from others, or in some cases even their praise. It may satisfy our sense of duty and responsibility and may make us feel accountable or trustworthy. Nevertheless, we may find ourselves often delaying or avoiding tasks. Why is that?

 The cost of engaging in tasks

We may harbor a host of negative feelings when approaching a task: We may feel overwhelmed if the task seems complex and difficult to do. The perfectionist among us may feel the need to do an exceptional job and working to perfection may seem daunting. Or we might feel bored at the idea of engaging in the task, disinterested, or just not wanting to do it. Overwhelm, perfectionistic anxiety, or anticipated boredom - all may offset the rewarding aspects of engaging in the task. This counteraction is complicated by the idea that potential rewards typically seem more removed in time than an immediate sense of overwhelm, anxiety or boredom. It’s like we must first swim through an ocean of negative feelings to only later land on a shore of positive ones. 

When our mind/brain engages in a cost-benefit analysis, it essentially estimates the desirability of engaging in a task as a function of the rewards versus the costs associated with it. As long as the estimated costs seem greater than the estimated rewards (in the moment), the consequence is procrastination!

How deadlines help with procrastination

Many procrastinators feel a kick in their behinds when a task deadline is fast approaching. It is then when the “procrastination fog” clears, thereby creating space for an increased sense of urgency to pursue completing the task. This is when people “pull all-nighters” and cross the finish line in the wee hours of the night breathless. Often, the final product is good enough (sometimes even better than that). You may feel that since we were able to ultimately complete the task, we shouldn’t have worried about it so much or agonized while procrastinating. However, many procrastinators admit that with more time, the product could have been better, and that the stress of doing things at the last minute was not an experience they would wish to repeat.

What happened as the deadline approached, which jolted us out of the procrastination fog?  It seems that the looming deadline may have brought to mind the possibility of failure, disappointing others, or losing face if we don’t complete the job. This in turn increased our anxiety, followed by the realization that our anxiety can be extinguished if we engage in the task and complete it.  Removal of anxiety through task completion acts as a reward, thereby adding weight to the reward side of the cost-benefit equation. With more reward associated with the task, we are propelled to engage and complete the task. 

Here is an example: I invited a colleague to a birthday dinner at my house, which will take place this evening. I cooked and prepared all morning, and the kitchen is a mess. I am tired from the cooking and want to sit down. I sit on the sofa and look at the kitchen. Cleaning it seems so unpleasant, so I escape to my phone, checking social media and playing some games. I feel bad because the kitchen is such a mess. I think that I could go on my daily walk, but I can’t leave the house when the kitchen is so dirty. I spend the next two hours doing “nothing” and feeling bad about it. Then it hits me that my colleague will arrive in an hour. This is the first time that they will visit me, and it will be quite embarrassing if the kitchen is a mess when they arrive. The clock is ticking, so I pull myself off the sofa. I rush to clean the kitchen, not doing a great job because I also need to get dressed. My colleague arrives, the food is delicious, and the dinner is a success, but I feel that I did not use my day effectively.     

How to fight procrastination off

-       Some degree of procrastination is common and normal. We don’t always want to do what we are expected to do and may feel some sense of liberty in putting things off. So, give yourself a break, and don’t judge yourself harshly if procrastination is occasional and “reasonable.” You, of course, must determine for yourself what reasonable is.

-       If procrastination is excessive and you feel unhappy about it, take a good account of your thinking processes. Try to be honest with yourself about what you dread in doing the task (i.e., what is the “cost”): Do you feel overwhelmed by the difficulty of the task? Are you paralyzed by your perfectionistic tendencies? Do you feel bored or disinterested just in thinking about the task? Whatever the cost is, try to address it directly. If you feel overwhelmed, break the large task into smaller sub-tasks and approach them one at a time (e.g., if you need to write a long paper, start with an outline, then focus on the first paragraph, then the body of the paper – try to stay with whatever sub-task you are working on while ignoring the others). If you have perfectionism paralysis, try to think about what would be a “good enough” performance, and strive for that. If you are bored at the idea of doing the task, think about a desired goal that completing this task would serve (e.g., if I clean my room, I will feel more comfortable inviting friends over).

-       In much the same way you explored the “costs,” try to explore the “benefits” associated with engaging and completing the task, and talk yourself into letting these benefits guide your actions. In other words, try to enhance the salience of the benefits: “It would feel so good to have this behind me” or “if I finish it early, I can go out with friends and actually enjoy myself!” The point here is to make the “cost-benefit analysis” a conscious, deliberate analysis, and to bolster the reward side of the equation, such that the outcome would favor task engagement.

-       Another trick of adding to rewards for task completion is bargaining with yourself about a prize if you finish the task.  For instance, “if I finish doing the dishes early instead of putting it off, I’ll treat myself to a good cup of coffee later in the day.”

-       Finally, use an accountability system. Talk with a friend or a family member and share with them the details of the task you have been avoiding. Ask them to check in with you in an hour, a day (or when it makes sense) on how much progress you’ve made with the task. Perhaps the idea of giving a poor report of non-accomplishment would facilitate your working on the task much the same as a deadline.

Therapy in San Diego, CA

Would you be interested addressing your tendency to procrastinate or other difficulties you might have? I am a therapist in San Diego, CA and provide in-person and online therapy to individuals and couples who present with a broad range of concerns. Please call me for a 15-min phone consultation that is free of charge to you. I will ask you about your treatment goals and let you know if and how I can help. If I can’t help, I will redirect you to other resources. Click here to schedule to your free phone consultation or call me at 858-330-0065.